ETVA's Favorite Vine Quotes (Humor Edition)

Thanks, etva - good stuff there.

Well!!!!!!!

"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits." ( Johnny Carson)

"You're so blind you couldn't find your A** Hole with both hands, if all 10 fingers were flashlights." ( me-lol)

"That's so important it's right up there with fly-S*** on the mountainside." ( Hubby's Uncle)

"You're dumber than a hoe handle." OR "I taught him everything he knows & he's STILL dumber than a hoe handle." (Same Uncle)

Loved the quotes. Pat N & I have been there! Go girl! ( or guy?)

Remote Viewer: One of my all-time favs.

Me too! No wait; I'm too OLD to be a girl! <sigh> Oh well! I can TRY! lol

nah, we can always be girls (especially when we're going shopping!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjWn-ueeeLw

Well I think all you girls are wonderful, you can be whatever you want to be. Stay young at heart, I for one am never going to "grow up", it is the keeping a child like wonderment at the world that keeps us alive & makes it worth getting up in the morning. ;)

You said it TR. My best feeling of the day comes when I hear that one of my "kids" friends have said how cool their parents are. WOW! Now OUR parents weren't that COOL!

Just remember:

"Growing old is MANDATORY; growing up is OPTIONAL!"

Ha! I'm betting your beautiful wife will have something to say about that!

Well, she is a lot better shot than I am, but I think I'd rather get it from the husband. He'd do a nice clean job. She wouldn't, she'd take her time about it.

#3...............add, "climbing out a window." lol

What a GREAT idea!! You are too clever. :-)

Thanks

Belle, that is because you have so many lovely quotes, you need an article dedicated to just you. :)

ROFL, most of mine don't make sense out of context though :)

etva -- just remember to worship Stewart and Mikey and all will be well :P

ahh...you walked RIGHT into that one :)

Stream of consciousness, Belle! You're like the Faulkner of newsvine!

I'm not sure who said it.

"If going to church makes you a Christian, then going into the garage makes you a car."

dunno, never read Faulkner -- I'm more Dug the Dog...SQUIRREL!!

Many good ones. Thanks.

I don't know how many times I've facepalmed because of him. Yet I never see one of his little quips coming :)

hahah

I'm not so sure Enoch would agree about his mind working :P

He probably lost it from all the times he went to Jay's :D

it reminded me more of the stoned dog in Dude Where's My Car :)

http://movieclips.com/UTQi2-dude-wheres-my-car-movie-stoner-dog/

Enjoy many other viners comments, just glad that a few of you also enjoy mine. Can't believe I made the list not once but twice, see what coffee does to ya. ;)

Nah, Mssuzieq has three, I am better as an opening act or back up, don't want to be the lead. ;)

Thanks for the compliment, but as stated above Enoch has me beat hands down.

yea..what magz said.. :( lol

yeah, really! It's not like etva's a spider with eight eyes all around her head!

;) at etva

i was kidding....being a sarcastic smart azz doesn't make me quotable...great article!

Maddad

Note for Mrs. D: I'm not a spider, honest!

I saw your lovely picture and I KNOW you're not a spider. See, I can take it. :)

***shivers*** (note to self: you're okay, you're okay, you're okay)

LMAO!!!!!

Ewwww! But think of all the crime scene cleaners who would thus have gainful employment. A good thing indeed. :-)

meh! Organized is overrated! Just ask my boss about my desk. :) When I was on vacation I had to leave him a list titled "Where I Hide Things" and I STILL had a phone call from him looking for a file.

lol! I actually trimmed the desktop pile down to 6 inches or less before I left. It's the Mysteries of Where Things are Filed that foil him. Now he has a list complete with the location of the Emergency Chocolate so I'll have to reorganize/rehide things before my next vacation.

Didn't you know that 2' piles of paperwork actually add an insulating layer to your cubicle for extra warmth in winter? :)

Didn't you know that 2' piles of paperwork actually add an insulating layer to your cubicle for extra warmth in winter? : Good to know except I live in Florida.

Good to know except I live in Florida.

Oh come on! It gets down to like 60 there sometimes! :p

The only place I can hide my emergency chocolate is in my kids' rooms. They never look there:)

Doesn't the breaking out the back-hoe when you need some give it away?

And part of the reason that I hide my chocolate in my kid's room, as that I'm forced to occasionally break out the back-hoe! They think I have these strange quarterly cleaning spurts when I throw away anything that was on the floor, leading to the closet. Truth is, I just need chocolate, and I make sure nothing is growing on the way through.

LMFAO!! I'd never heard that logic before but it does make perfect sense. I should tell my sister to do that. Last year for her birthday she asked my parents to come over and act as slave-drivers to her kids so they'd clean their rooms. If she told the kids that she hid candy in their rooms/closets and if they picked up they'd find it I could see that being a WONDERFUL motivational tool.

She just told me the WORST pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines. One of her friends had a destination wedding and while at the bar last night some guy told another of her friends (who said she was married) that "Well your ring doesn't cover your hole!"

Dude, you are like a living breathing version of this article--all coming from that wonderful, crazy-unique sense of humor that seems to own your keyboard.

I'm tempted to follow you around for a day just to get Etva some more material. Lots more.

[applause for Bad Fish]

Be vewwy qwiet...I'm hunting Bad Fish

-- Kearney Outlaw

Off topic but how was the vacation Bad Fish?

Off Topic the Vacation was incredible. I will post an article in a few days with pictures.

don't forget to include the April Fools group -- especially your miraculous spirituality :)

I need to remember to do a photo shoot with them before my surgery so I can write that article. Not sure when I'll fit that into my schedule though :(

Maybe...I'm thinking of including my new rally monkey since Stewart and Mikey have been hanging out with him while I'm at work (I think they like him because he has super long arms)

Not sure where to do the photo shoot -- right now the apartment is kinda messy from cleaning (yeah I know, that sounds odd, but for some odd reason it looks worse before it gets better)

RL I live in an apartment, no basement :(

The goal though is to at least shove everything into the bedroom, then vacuum before surgery, which is why I'm not sure if the photo shoot will happen in time

But...I keep telling myself once I finish cleaning that I'll get myself a Roomba -- yeah I've said that for the last 3 years...

that's when I actually clean most -- one of the good parts of the 4/10 work schedule is the extra day off (the drawback is long-ass days)

belle42

What type of surgery? Anything news worthy?

just gall bladder getting yanked, no big deal. today was my pre-op appointment, met with the vampire and got most of the info I needed. I find out reporting time tomorrow afternoon :)

Post op pain management party at belle42's recovery room.

Heh, only if they give me the morphine...that sh!t is GOOOD!! (had it when they diagnosed me in the ER)

Will there be libation filled I.V. bags? If so count me in!

quick, switch the saline bags with vodka, no one will know the difference!

Hey I'm just doing my part to help the environment. Why dirty up a glass? Water conservation.

I know the real parties happen in the recovery rooms. That's why they make you wear the lingerie with the open butt they call the surgical gown.

That's why they make you wear the lingerie with the open butt they call the surgical gown.

And tell you that you will feel a slight discomfort but it will only hurt for a minute...

as long as I don't see the needle, it's all good (almost fainted once looking too soon at a blood draw) :(

mini-penises ok...needles bad (the weird thing is I'm ok with seeing the IV already inserted, but can't watch them put it in)

Oh I have fears alright...I just hide them well :)

(like I REALLY don't like visiting people in hospitals, or being in them for that matter -- it makes me think of death...I'm working on that issue though)

also have fears of not finishing payroll on time, fear of dying alone and someone discovering me in a dirty house -- you know, usual fears

nah, they'll just mess up the house more while I'm at mom's house recuperating (she's insisting I stay there at least a couple days)

that's why I need to do the photo shoot before this weekend so I can write the article while I'm lying in bed moaning :P

I keep going between just having a Stewart and Mikey article and having one where they introduce the rally monkey (which I still haven't named) -- might also include some of my other stuffed friends :)

Oh ohhhh

I'll keep my eyes open for it...and my bow close.

I only ever need one. That and to be standing no more than one foot away.